Yes, that kind of girl (for today)

I am done exchanging niceties.  I am tired of sharing my perspectives for your interest or entertainment.  I am especially sick of pretending the crumbs of your time and attention are good enough.  I am sad for not being seen.  I am exhausted from loving those who cannot fully love me back.  I am done.  I am finished.  I am ready to officially close the door to everyone who is not here for it all.  All of me.  The universe that I am.  If that means being alone forever, no lover, no husband, no friends, no confidantes, then so be it.  I will share myself to the anonymous reader, the expectant spectator… maybe.  Or maybe I won’t.  Maybe I will stay in here locked forever like the princess awaiting the kiss of true love, though it may never come.  

I am angry with people, with you, with the world.  For not understanding this.  For not giving back the kindness and consideration that you get.  For living your own lives and forgetting about mine, my depth, my devotion, my needs and desires.  I am sick of my constant need for love and attention and care and support.  Forever un-soothed.  Forever unmet.  

I will share myself with you if you are willing to meet me.  Equally.  Willingly.  Lovingly.  With awe and wonder at the universe that I am.  Nothing less.  All or nothing.  I am that kind of girl, my friend, my would-be lover, my almost but not quite soul mate.  Take it or leave it.  

Yes, I will leave kicking and screaming.  Yes, I might take all of this back and settle for a little love, or a little authenticity.  But let me remind myself this is not what I came here for. 

I.  Want.  It.  All. I want all of you.  Or I want nothing.